The Truth About Life Coaching

Robert Maldonado  00:46

Only 8% of people that set New Year’s goals resolutions actually achieve those goals.

Debra Maldonado  00:54

And then those 8% you’re saying are without a coach? Yeah, this is in the general public.

Robert Maldonado  01:02

About 80% never reach their goals and just kind of give up within the first 30 days. Yeah, and I guess 12% just die trying

Debra Maldonado  01:13

throughout the year, they’re still making trying to make it work. And, and as coach trainers and as running a coaching company, we thought it was really good to have a conversation. For people who are looking for coaching, we’re looking to hire a coach, give them all the inside information that we can give. So you can make the best educated decision when you’re hiring a coach, because it is an investment. And we want to make sure that you’re understand everything that you need to understand and give you some tips on how to work with the coach and how to get the best results.

Robert Maldonado  01:47

That’s right. And if you’ve ever wondered, like, why, why does some people succeed? Mm hmm. They make it work, whatever they’re doing, whether it’s starting a business, their own companies, an artistic venture, simply going up the corporate ladder ladder and becoming the best at what they do. What makes what’s the difference between them and the people that aren’t able to do those things?

Debra Maldonado  02:18

Well, you know, when I went to the Inc women’s summit in New York City last year, they had a really as panels of women that were billionaires and every single one of them, they asked what their secret was, and they all said they had a life coach, Sara Blakely, the founder of Spanx had two life coaches. And she said they were really the key because it was all about the what’s in your head, what’s going on in your mind as you take these big leaps in your life. And if you don’t have someone to help you support you support your mind basically, in achieving those goals. And you rely just on your own volition, you are going to go in circles because the ego has its defenses up. It doesn’t want you to change and will talk you out of any type of goal you have. That’s why most people don’t achieve their goals. And that’s why coaching, I believe is the best way to reach your goals.

Robert Maldonado  03:14

Yeah, it’s incredible. Yeah, you see all these very talented people very successful. And you think they might have just had it easy, they were lucky, etc, etc. But no, there’s there’s a science behind them. Right? There’s a strategy, they had these coaches, help them achieve their goals. I’m sure they had their vision, of course, they had their their dream. But to achieve that, they needed the coach. And you

Debra Maldonado  03:43

know, what they did, too is someone asked me once a lot of people ask, how did you do what you did? And how did you make, you know, something out of nothing, because I didn’t have anything. When I first started, I got laid off. And I basically had nothing started from scratch. And it was that I did whatever it took. And part of doing whatever it takes is I hired people, the right people and invested in my business and myself to make it work. And, and so I believe that it’s really from my very first coach to my current coach, I always feel that it’s the best investment I ever made. And I want to talk today about also just clarifying what coaching is because I think a lot of people think it’s therapy, and I just want to talk a little bit about that with you, Rob. What do you what have you heard about coaching and what what people’s expectations are about it?

Robert Maldonado  04:38

Yeah, well, coaching evolved from the human potential movement, let’s say. And so it really wasn’t part of the therapy model. As you know, from psychoanalysis, Freud and Jung and all those things.

Debra Maldonado  04:55

Were kind of a separate branch.

Robert Maldonado  04:57

Yeah, there were two separate branches, of course. But the lines got blurred when coaches started to do therapeutic approaches in their coaching, and vice versa. A lot of psychologists started doing coaching models and in their therapies, and so blurred the line for the public. Mm hmm. They don’t know. Well, you know, if I go to a coach, am I going to work on my childhood issues or those kind of things? And certainly some coaches present themselves that way, right. Or they advertise themselves as doing that kind of work. And so the basic idea is simply to keep in mind that coaching evolved as a way of moving towards your goals, and your

Debra Maldonado  05:49

potential, yeah,

Robert Maldonado  05:50

cultivating your full potential to reach those goals. Whereas therapy really developed to help you deal with mental health and emotional issues

Debra Maldonado  06:01

at that. And typically, it’s for people who have, they can’t function there. They’re in a serious place where divorce and they want to understand their childhood and all those things. And they feel they need some deeper work in a in a more kind of retro act, going back and repairing the past in some way. Yes. And getting to normal. I think that’s your when you say that the therapy is about bringing people up to normal, they see they see their patients as dysfunction have some kind of dysfunction. They want to bring them up to normal, where coaching sees the client as already normal, and wanting to reach their potential.

Robert Maldonado  06:43

Yes. And and just to make it more complicated. If you look on Psychology Today, their webpage or the magazine, then they have a website, of course, they have a find a therapist page, almost all the therapists there include live coaching as part of their practice, as well.

Debra Maldonado  07:05

And so it gets blurred with Am I getting therapy or life coaching. And then there’s people that learn a modality like a healing technique, and then they call themselves a coach by learning one technique, and they’re really doing something that’s more therapeutic or in the therapy column, and it just kind of muddies the water. So we want to make it clear that coaching is about reaching our potential. And therapy is about going backwards and kind of dealing with past issues.

Robert Maldonado  07:34

Yes. And hopefully, this will help you formulate your questions. When you are doing a console with a potential coach or potential therapists, you can ask the right kind of questions, ask them. What approaches are you using here? What can I expect as far as the way you work? And the way you’re going to take me through this process? Hmm.

Debra Maldonado  08:01

And there’s different types of coaching. A lot of people think, well, there’s just life coaches. And there actually are many types of coaches, there’s health coaches that help you with either weight loss or even health issues. If you have a serious health issue. They’re not doctors, but they help you with the nutrition part of that recovering from chemotherapy or, you know, something of that nature. There’s business coaches that are really more mentors, they’re basically training you how to run a business. Or maybe they’re motivating you to keep your goals and help you succeed in your, your, either your corporate career, or your your as an entrepreneur.

Robert Maldonado  08:41

Yeah, executive coaches fall under that, that kind of genre Mm hmm. Where they they go, they help executives in key positions, do their executive work at the full potential, yes,

Debra Maldonado  09:02

relationship coaches, there are people who help with dating with love with divorce, people that want to make their marriage better. Also relationship with kids parenting, those type of coaches, so many different levels. And in our work, we see we have seen two types of coaches. And we’re going to put them in two categories so you can see what they are. There’s the basic coaching, which is really where they’re teaching a skill. They’re teaching you how to write a menu for yourself and go to how many times a week you need to exercise or they’re telling you how to write a profile and how to, you know, look good on a date and take a good picture for your profile, those type of like tips, maybe giving you some strategies for how to get out more and make a plan for being in more social settings, or even strategies on how to communicate communication skills, that type of thing. And then also So they also set goals and motivate you. So those are basic coaching, it’s, it’s really working on just your ego, your persona level, that kind of personality level that you already have, you’re not really changing yourself, you’re just taking your current self and taking action, and going, going for what you want. And they’re just helping you with strategies to implement those goals.

Robert Maldonado  10:23

Yeah, and that kind of coaching, very useful. And, and you can kind of reach certain points in your career or your life where you can say, well, this kind of coaching would help me, you know, I just need a little bit of help in gaining the skills, let’s say, in dating, or in my entrepreneurship, you know, very specifically targeted, and you can choose some of these coaches to help you in strategic places in your life.

Debra Maldonado  10:55

And a lot of times these coaching these types of coaches, they don’t really need to be a personal coach, you can do it in a group, or you could take a class and learn the skills unless you need someone to keep you accountable and motivation and all that. So that’s a basic kind of coach. Now, let’s go deeper. Rob, what is a transformational coach?

Robert Maldonado  11:15

Right. Now you’re getting into a different level altogether, because there are, say, coaches that are trained in deeper work. Now what do we mean by deeper work? If you think about your personality, at the at this level, you’re kind of wearing a mask that you use to interact with society. Jung called Carl Jung called this the persona. So there’s nothing wrong with a persona. Unless you think you are the persona. Mm. What happens when you think you are the persona, you’re shining, all your energy is going towards shining up this personality, not giving it better skills, better social skills, better presentational skills, learning some, some business that will make you more appear more successful and be more successful?

Debra Maldonado  12:13

And it’s all about really other? How you look to others? Absolutely. It’s very much geared towards social survival, social adaptation, how to fit in how to get people to like you how to get more clients and customers. And yes, but it’s all based on how do I appear to others, like a makeover to, to get, like the result is external.

Robert Maldonado  12:36

Yeah. And there’s nothing wrong with isn’t as long as you know, that you’re working at this level.

Debra Maldonado  12:41

Here’s a great example of that is Lady Gaga, she, she purposely created, she studied fame. And so she knew that her outrageous look was just a persona. She didn’t she didn’t be think I have to be this be outrageous, because that’s who I am. And that’s what people like about me. She was deliberately using the persona, to basically manipulate and get fans and do that. But she didn’t identify with the person. She said, I knew I studied fame, and I watched what people did to create that persona. So we do need that we do need, how to look good on camera, if you’re a business coach, or how to look, you know, look good on a date and not mess up when you’re going out interacting with the human race.

Robert Maldonado  13:27

Yeah, so all those is still in the realm of the basic coaching, which is, like we’re saying is nothing wrong with it, it comes in very handy strategic points. But the transformational coaching goes deeper. Now you’re talking about internal insight into your own mind, how to work with it, how to visualize how to set spiritual goals that are taking you way beyond the persona level.

Debra Maldonado  14:01

If you’re enjoying this conversation, and do not want it to end, it doesn’t have to, you can join us on our Facebook fan page at creative mind method and continue the conversation, get tools, free visualizations, free downloads, and announcements of live events and new courses that we’re hosting. So join us after the show at creative mind method on Facebook. See you there. And it doesn’t necessarily a lot of people think that’s therapy but transpersonal coaching is really about you reaching your spiritual potential when they people talk about you know, your unlimited and all those things that the aspirational teachers teach you. It’s about really embodying it’s not just doing something outside of your comfort zone. It’s actually becoming someone outside of your comfort zone. And it’s a it’s a it’s a deeper transformation and Carl Jung’s work. individuation actually gives us a map to do that, and that why we chose jungian coaching as a way to work with people because it really does help guide someone through their psyche without pathologizing their past and also helps them understand who they are on a deeper level be beneath the persona. And so really, how do you pick the right coach is transformational coaching right for you is basic coaching right for you. So you have to ask yourself, what kind of coaching do I need? What am I looking for? What kind of goals do I have? And what do I What do I believe I can I need to change? Do I? Do I feel like I know who I am? Or do I feel kind of not sure? Do I need to do some inner work and inner reflection to get deeper into who I am. So I actually am more clear on my goals. You know, I want to just mention, I see so many people. I’ve been in this coaching industry for 15 years, and I see and a lot of my business coaches and masterminds. I’ve seen so many people, they’re building up their business on their persona, and they make lots of money. And then they realize that’s it’s they’re not even what they want to do with their life. They have this kind of breakdown a little bit. And they really changed their business, after years and years of investing and building up this other persona. And so we want to make sure if you’re wanting to have a goal, whether it’s love or something else, or business, you want to know who you are. It’s really important.

Robert Maldonado  16:28

Yeah. So in an ideal universe, everyone would get coaching.

16:35

Mm hmm.

Robert Maldonado  16:36

It would be mandated, it would be mandatory, that you get coaching from the beginning, in what in everything, you would get coaching, it should have coaching relationships, and money and success. Yeah, in your own personal development and also in spirituality. But of course, it’s not an ideal universe. But you, you want to start somewhere, you want to ask yourself, what are my immediate goals? Like I where I am right now, in my life and my age and kind of the culture that I’m in? What would be the next big step for me?

Debra Maldonado  17:19

And what’s the priority? Because a lot of people have many goals. But what is a priority? Yes. And if it’s not a priority for you, that won’t work, you can hire a coach, but if it’s not a priority, you’re not going to implement it.

Robert Maldonado  17:31

That’s right. And here’s another big question for you. You have to ask yourself, Am I willing to take responsibility for this Hmm, to make the changes that I need to make, because if you’re not willing to take responsibility, no matter how good the coach is, they cannot help you reach those goals. You have to accept for responsibility for making those choice, those changes yourself

Debra Maldonado  17:58

and be committed and willing to do what is uncomfortable. And that’s what a coach will do is they will be there to not push you so to speak. But in a way Yes. To encourage you to take steps that you would normally take alone. And it really is. If you think about all the great Hero’s Journey stories and movies and myths. They all had a guide, all the great heroes had a guide. And that guide was the one they turned to and they said no, it’s too hard, I have to turn back. And the guide kept saying don’t keep going. And we all need someone it for us to face the big changes in our life, the bigger the change, the bigger the challenge. A coach can help you bridge that gap between where you are and where you want to be. And also to that you want to be a lifelong learner.

Robert Maldonado  18:53

Yes, there’s always more to learn and and what we know about the brain now is that the more you give it, the better. It protects you against disease, it protects you against dementia, those kind of problems that set in or later on in life. Because you’re feeding it information you’re giving it the right kind of

Debra Maldonado  19:18

food that it needs. It kind of expands and it becomes more creative when you’re pushing the bat and not so fixed.

Robert Maldonado  19:24

And the best food for our brain is information knowledge that teaches said about itself. Hmm, it loves that. It’s like super fuel for it. superfood for the brain. Yes, it feeds

Debra Maldonado  19:39

the right kind of nutrients which is what am I what motivates me what makes me tick? What is it that you know, after when I get up in the morning and the more you know about yourself and what drives you, the easier you can be to direct your life if you don’t know you’re going I have blind spots all the time people, you’re going to be making decisions that you have no idea why you keep sabotaging yourself.

Robert Maldonado  20:07

Yes. So when you’re shopping around for the right, coach, a lot of coaches offer those free consults, yes, take advantage of that. speak to them and ask them the right questions. Now you, you’re a master at the console. Oh, yes. So give us some insight, from your perspective. What are the right questions a client should ask the coach?

Debra Maldonado  20:36

Okay, well, the first thing you should notice is do you do have a rapport with this person? Do I feel comfortable with this person, it should feel like almost stating you’re finding the right match. They could have the best results, they could help a bazillion people find love, or they can help a million people have million dollar businesses. But if you don’t like or feel that resonance with that coach, it’s not going to work. There needs to be some chemistry there just like in dating. And then their style and philosophy must match yours. So if they’re, you know, if they’re super like New Agey, and you’re not new agey, there’s going to be a disconnect or if they’re super, maybe they’re not spiritual at all, and your spiritual, that’s going to be a mismatch as well. I’ve seen I’ve had coaches that didn’t match my philosophy, experience. And this is from my experience. Also, here’s another thing that I want you to really take to heart is when you ask the questions, ask them, you know, how are you they work? what’s included? How much access Do you have to them? How much you can rely on them for questions in between sessions, how long sessions are, what we will work on? What is this session look like?

Robert Maldonado  21:51

Yes, in essence, you want to take advantage of these consoles to gain as much information from the coaches you can during that 2030 minutes.

Debra Maldonado  22:04

And also don’t feel pressure to make a decision right there on the call. I mean, there’s some sales coaches that teach that high pressure, which is, it’s not the fault of the coach, sometimes they just had bad, bad coaching around it, I find that if it’s, it’s a right fit, you don’t have to force it for me, my clients, I always feel if they’re meant for me, I don’t need to pressure them. It’s just it feels right, it works. So you want a coach that’s comfortable and calm, that’s not going to pressure you or feel that anxiety of whether they’re going to make the sale or not. So you’re going to feel it from them. If they’re comfortable. And they’re confident that they can help you and they’ll feel it through the call. And then wait 24 hours, have the call, experience it and wait 24 hours, and then make a decision within that 24 hours or maybe a day or two after that if you need a weekend to think about it. But don’t string the coach along be be be considerate of her time or his time. Get back to them with a yes or no, always good to get back and treat them as you would want to be treated. And and I’ll tell you when you make the decision. Whether it’s a yes or no. You’ll feel better when you’re in that indecision like oh, I kind of want to do it. But I don’t. you’re you’re you’re feeling very uncomfortable.

Robert Maldonado  23:22

And you brought up a good point when we were discussing this earlier, that? Well, regarding the price,

Debra Maldonado  23:30

oh yes, I was going to say that. Do not go for the cheapest coach on the block. Because it’s ever go to those places where you buy the cheapest shirt. Target shirt is very different than a Nordstrom shirt. You want someone and and that’ll coaches, the super expensive coaches are the best either. So leave price out of it. But don’t let price be the determining factor. So think about whose makes the best match for me and then find a way to make it work for your investment. But don’t look for the cheapest coach and I see this so many times people make a decision based on money and then they end up and spending more money because they spent time with the wrong coach because they were just made the decision to go with someone cheaper.

Robert Maldonado  24:15

So what about bartering or trading sessions and coaching?

Debra Maldonado  24:21

I if unless you’re in a coach training program, and you’re doing it to get hours, I think that’s fine. But if you’re trying to do that, to help someone reach a goal, that is it hurts them. Because I’ve seen so many people that don’t invest in coaching and they’re getting free coaching all the time. They’re actually bouncing around and doing all the consults for free. They’re not really thinking that this is a priority for them. They’re not really truly committed until they invest in the coaching. And the people that do it for free. They don’t take it seriously. They don’t have any skin in the game. And so it hurts the coach who’s giving the free session and it also hurts the client. And so you have to believe As a coach that you have value, and that you deserve to be paid for your time, and then the client should also feel that they’re getting value and wanting to pay for that experience.

Robert Maldonado  25:10

So once you sign up for coaching, mm, what’s what are your best tips,

Debra Maldonado  25:16

the best tips are, make sure you have a contract with your coach. So you know exactly what the program is what’s included, how long it is, what the rules are, so you’re both on the same page. The second thing is to be committed and take responsibility for your own results. The coach is only as good as you are. So if you’re not doing your work, you’re not following up, you’re not showing up for calls, you can’t blame the coach, and you have to take full responsibility for your results. You also need to show up and be willing to be coached and face the uncomfortableness of making change and be willing to commit to that. And then the last thing is to be a lifelong learner, you’re not approaching the coaching as a quick fix.

Robert Maldonado  26:01

All great suggestions because, you know, it’s worth it changes hard. But when you have a coach, you’re able to do it in a creative and meaningful way. Mm hmm. And change feels so good when you’re able to achieve those goals in your life.

Debra Maldonado  26:21

Yes, and I find that every great thing I have in my life. I had a coach that helped me, every every great, big, dramatic change in my life came because, of course my dedication to my own change, but also, I had a coach to guide me and help me and that is so important. So we can sum it up by saying we believe in coaching, right, right.

Robert Maldonado  26:43

Absolutely.

Debra Maldonado  26:44

And we hope you find the best coach for you and reach all of your goals in 2020 and beyond.

Robert Maldonado  26:51

Take care. See you next time.