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Have you ever wondered if you are really in love or if you are just repeating old patterns? Maybe you have been in a relationship for a while and the flame has burned out and wonder if you just fell out of love. In this episode you will discover the three elements of love that are critical for making a relationship last.  

Have you ever given a partner in a romantic relationship you power – the power to hurt you, the power to reject you or the power to fill you with love? You may wonder why you keep feeling chemistry for people who cause you pain or disappointment and in this episode we will reveal the inner cause of your unconscious attraction – your Animus Archetype or as we call your ‘Inner Adam’. The Inner Adam® Technique is a part of the Creative Mind Method™ based on the work of Carl Jung, neuroscience and Eastern philosophies. 

  • What is an archetype?
  • The masculine and feminine archetypes according to Jung – Anima and Animus
  • How do these archetypes affect your romantic life and why they are the key to your individuation process
  • Why women reject masculine traits early in life and what happens to those traits
  • The shadow effect on your relationship life
  • The three ways to work with your Inner Adam to change your love destiny and live your purpose.

Episode Exercise: Debra will reveal how to work with emotional triggers in relationships and how they are the clue to finding your patterns and changing them.

Ready to meet your ‘Inner Adam’? Join us for our 5-Day Inner Soulmate Challenge by visiting and Liking our Facebook Page and tapping the ‘Visit Group’ button:

Creative Mind has ongoing interesting personal development and life coaching events and programs. So Like our Page to stay updated!

Episode Transcript: S1 | E11

Welcome to Creative Mind Living a podcast for people interested in personal growth based on the principles of Carl Jung, Neuroscience and Eastern Philosophies. We are your hosts, Debra and Robert Maldonado, the founders of Creative Mind Coaching.

Welcome to the Creative Mind Living a podcast for people interested in personal growth based on the principles of Carl Jung, Neuroscience, and Eastern Philosophies. We are your hosts, Debra and Robert Maldonado, Founders of Creative Mind Coaching.

Hi Rob, how are you? Very well, thank you. Are you ready to talk about love again? It’s our favorite topic. Uh, it’s what brought us here and today we’re talking about love as an archetype. So on the topic of love, I read that marriage is actually on the decline for the first time in 150 years. Really? And do you know what the reason why they say that marriage is declining?

The, the report says that women are complaining that there aren’t enough viable partners that meet their success level and education level, that more women are getting degrees now than men and they’re actually making more money even though they, it seems that, oh, there’s pay inequality, but women are actually on a whole being more successful. And they’re looking around saying, okay, where are the guy? There’s not enough, there’s not enough men in the pool to, uh, to match up with. And you know, you and I always talk about this, that a lot of women say, well, I’m in New York and there aren’t guys in New York or there aren’t guys on match by comm. And we always say that you’re going, going to see what you believe is the out there in your mind. And so maybe collectively, many women believe that there aren’t viable men out there to match their own level of success. But I think there are, they just can’t see them if that’s their mind.

Yeah. In the, in those kinds of new stories feed into that story and of course it reinforces their point of view and then create it. Uh, nope. Well, I mean, sociology has always taken that approach of, uh, taking a poll, taking a sample and looking at what the trends are and reporting on that, uh, are, are that Sarah creative mind process are our way of seeing the world is a little bit different because we’re seeing that. Well, what you, what you see in society is really reflecting your own mind and what is that telling you about your mind?

A lot of people will say, well, everyone else is looking at the same thing. So how could it be in my mind?

That’s right.

Uh, what would you say to that, that everything is in your mind in, in this regard, including the other people? Yeah, the agreeing with you. Well, you can perceive anything without the mind and therefore technically and just logically, uh, everything is in your mind. The, you cannot experience anything without the mind. And so everything has to come through that mind. I think that’s one of the biggest, um, challenges for people doing this type of work is to take responsibility for what their experience of life is. We can easily say, well, it is going to be hard to meet someone because the odds are against me now because I’m a successful woman. But if you believe that that’s what your experience will be, and it’s so hard for people to understand that I know for myself too, that we’re all, this feels so real. And so our topic today about the archetype of love is going to help us get a better idea of how to shift that belief system and that perception of what’s possible for love for us.

Yeah. So let’s start with a, what is our definition of an archetype? Because there’s many out there, as you know, we were talking this morning how people use it to talk about marketing and branding. What’s your branding archetype or your money archetype or yeah, and that that’s certainly a part of, or let’s say, um, the, uh, the modern world in the way it operates, but it’s not really part of what you own, uh, called an art type and not the way we use it either. Um, it’s more, I think the way other people talk about it. It’s more of a persona, the ego level character, the character of your persona. And even in, um, in screenwriting and movies, the archetype of the, the villa hero. Yeah. The damsel in distress, et cetera. Yeah. For our purposes. Um, and, and Arca type. And, and I like to pronounce it archetype because it’s just the way I learned it and it’s, it flows easier for me. So the arc type is essentially a pattern that’s inherited, uh, in us. In other words, it’s part of nature. If you look at nature works on the, uh, the art types, the way it creates mountains and planets and clouds, and it’s like a matrix of ideas. Yeah. In, uh, a comes, it goes back to Plato. Uh, Plato had this idea that there’s an arc type of everything that we see. Mm. Like a template. Yeah. Right. And then, then the individual things are simply reproductions based on that arc type. So there are archetypes such as heroes and villains, kings and Queens, but the persona or the person takes on that archetype, but we can’t really see the archetype directly. Like, we can’t see the pattern of tree. We can only see its effect. So we see the effect of a tree. We, there’s many, many different types of trees. They all have the same trunk and maybe the same kind of general shape, but they show up in different forms. So I think a lot of people confuse the symbol for the archetype. Yeah, that’s a, that’s a big confusion there. Yeah, you’re right. So the hero archetype can be symbolized by a superhero. It can be consent symbolized by someone that is, uh, a leader in, in a social movement. So it doesn’t have, it doesn’t have the [inaudible]. It has a unifying form, but individually expressed. Right.

And in particular to love, uh, when we talk about love, we’re talking about relationships. And when we talk about relationships, we’re talking about the, the way we are designed as men and women. And the psychology of that, of course in young Ian, uh, um, theory is that each man has an inner eve or an Anema, which he has to come to terms with in order to, to really be complete in himself so that he can relate to a woman on, on an equal footing instead of projecting his desires onto the woman. For a woman, it’s the same but in reverse. It’s like a mirror image. She has an Animus, which we call the inner Adam that she has to come to terms with and become conscious of so that she is complete in herself so that she is not depending on the man to gain power, to feel successful, to feel complete, but is in a sense complete already. And then she is relating to her partner in a an a more equal, well, when we talked about women who are looking for a successful man in a way, they feel threatened that the man is going to take their power if they don’t have their own, if they’re there or the successful one and the man doesn’t have power, they’re going to use the woman or, or drag the woman down, like he won’t have his own sense of power. So these ideas, um, are there kind of a masculine feminine archetype, but we also want to get away from just the physical, uh, kind of social feminine masculinity. We want to get to more of the spiritual feminine, masculine, like the Yin and the Yang, right? Yeah. So a lot of people confuse that too. Like I have a little man inside of me, but we do have a masculine part of us and why, why aren’t we conscious of it already? Why are we, why do we project it on to other people and why can’t we just be balanced masculine and feminine born that way?

Alright. It has to do with the persona. So if you think about society than the demands that’s put upon us by society, that we have to go out there and go to school. We have to go out there and find a job and participate in this group, uh, experience that we call the world. We need a persona. In other words, we can’t just say, well, I’m just going to go out there and see. You know, what happens? I need to be educated. I need to learn the, the norms of behavior. Uh, I have to have a profession or job or skill of some kind. So all of those things require me to develop a persona. Now, if you think of a woman just like a man, they, you need to develop that persona of a woman. And Societies and cultures define what a woman is by certain traits, certain characteristics. A woman should be nourishing. Uh, um, nurturing a woman should be, she can be nourishing too. Uh, caring, um, emotional, helping, help be of service, right? Kind, uh, generous. Uh, [inaudible] horse. They can be very feeling and emotional. Yes, motherly. Uh, all those things that, uh, are silently most of the time defined by culture and society and, and the woman is expected to fulfill that persona in a sense. Right?

Oh, don’t we have a natural, um, I mean, you were a child psychologist, so as children, little girls will play with dolls and nourish to the baby and be the mommy and play, play more family oriented and cooking. And I had my Betty Crocker cooking set and my brother had the trucks in the army and the, you know, more aggressive movement less. So is that innate in [inaudible] or is that the question, do we learn that or is it both?

It’s a big debate in psychology, whether it’s an nature or nurture. Uh, but there are, some of the studies do show that little boys tend to be more rambunctious and more ex, you know, they explore their environment a little bit more and refer and you know, because of the adrenaline and the, they just kind of play out a little bit more physically. Um, and vice versa. Little girls tend to be more imaginative and, and kind of follow them, like kind of worse. Like when they play there, they’re less all over the place. Yeah. They’re more quiet and playing with their little dolls and tea sets and yeah. But, but it’s always [inaudible] like most things tomboys and yeah, most things in nature and psychology, it, it, it sets up a parameter or like a tendency or, or, uh, let’s say, um, a predisposition, but then, uh, people break those rules all the time.

Yeah. But generally, if we look at our, all the women we’ve worked with over the years and men, they typically fall into that realm. And even in the corporate world, we know that men are more, uh, ready to push boundaries and step over on people and ask for raises and promotions where women are more reserved and more worried about everyone else in the community. And I think that those traits, so we create this persona as a woman. And then, right. So, so what that means is that the, the characteristics that are considered masculine by the culture and society have to be repressed in the woman. Um, right. Naturally, if you’re going to create a persona that fits the arc type of the woman that you have to repress the characteristics that are considered masculine, like you, like you were saying aggressiveness or, or assertiveness, uh, uh, the tendency to be physical and bold. Yeah. All those things, uh, the woman has to suppress and which means psychologically she’s pushing them into the unconscious mind. Mm. And that’s what young called the shadow. So first, the first layer of the inner atom, the Animus is, is the shadow element that all those male characteristics are, uh, repress into the shadow element nine.

So for like a woman who sees her father or the man in her family having certain qualities that she doesn’t thinks are on a non adaptable for her, she’ll suppress those. So if it’s about being bold or being direct or being angry or being pushy or, uh, uh, entitled, even, I know there’s a lot of entitlement in my family with men, uh, because it was a very masculine, macho, uh, household that a woman feels like, oh, that’s not my place. And I think a lot of women too are taught by their mothers be ladylike. And so to suppress those ideas.

Yeah. And of course vice versa for men. But let, let’s, let’s talk about women just to simplify it and to, you know, to clarify because are difficult concepts and if you, if it doesn’t make sense to you of hold on because we’ll, we’ll give you specific examples and hopefully it’ll make sense as we talk about how we work with it.

And we’re going to go for a commercial break and we’ll be right back. If you’re enjoying this conversation and do not want it to end, it doesn’t have to. You can join us on our Facebook fan page at creative bine method and continue the conversation, get tools, free visualizations, free downloads and announcements of live events and new courses that we’re hosting. So join us after the show at creative mind method on Facebook. See you there. So we’re back.

So our, uh, our work is really about individuation, uh, which is a young and idea of becoming your true self, your higher self, meaning all the potential that’s in you call. I mean to the forefront so that you can express it [inaudible] you can choose your, your destiny in a sense, instead of depending on that conditioning by society that we were talking about, that you’re creating this persona according to the rules given to you by society. Individuation means you’re, you’re free to choose your own. Mm. Yeah.

So when someone, just for an example of how this, if you don’t work with this archetype and you just are on default, you’ll tend to attract people that reflect the suppressed masculine. So if you suppress a, a dominating man in your life, you’re going, they’re going to show up in your partner. She’ll be unconsciously attracted, which we call unconscious chemistry. You’ll have chemistry with those people because it’s almost as if a part of you knows that that’s a part of you, that it’s trying to reclaim, it’s trying to find its way back to consciousness. You’ve rejected it. It’s trying to come back and be brought to consciousness. And so we, that’s why we’re attracted to those people. Yeah.

Yeah. That’s why you see a lot of women end up with marrying guys that are like their father in a sentence. Uh, or if they rejected the father, they go for the opposite, eh, but it’s still controlling their behavior in a sense. Right? Because now they’re forced to go the opposite direction of the father.

So it’s not a choice. It’s more of a based on that conditioning.

Yes, that’s right. And what individuation does is it liberates you from that so that you can really choose what kind of relationship you want to create. Well, so how do we do this? Right? A lot of people ask, well, yeah, that sounds great. How do I do that? [inaudible] give me the, the, yeah, because a lot of people come to us and they say, well, I’m not the right person or there aren’t any good men left out there. I just saw someone posted in our group or Facebook group about that most men reject women that are successful. And that was her perception. So it is all about what we see in the world, what we hold in our mind. So we need to work with our minds so we could see a different reality in the world. So if we want to find love and have that equal partnership, we want to find someone who’s awake and aware. We need to become a weakened aware.

Yeah. Young put to the very simply, he says, you have to make the unconscious conscious. In other words, you have to become aware of what did you push into the unconscious in creating your persona. What did you have to repress? Uh, and of course one of the first big elements like you were saying, is the male characteristics that you, you know, a woman felt but were socially unacceptable or not adaptive in her environment. She had to repress all those things. So in, in really in, in becoming her true self, that’s the first barrier. Or the first challenge she has to confront is how do I integrate, how do I become conscious of all those so called male characteristics that I had to repress in order to create the persona?

Well also too, wouldn’t it be the idea that say you’re intimidated by men and when you’re growing up or that you men got a lot of power, um, you tend to do that in relationships. So reclaiming this part of yourself, you start projecting all that power onto men. Uh, when, uh, uh, a big question I get a lot is how do I trust again? How do I trust men? I’ve been misled so many times and it’s because we have led into relationships that repeat the patterns from the past. So if we come to terms with them, we bring them to consciousness, then we can choose. We understand why we are, where the fear is. We become more aware of that fear and then see that it’s a projection. It’s not really true. Then we can change, uh, the situation. We can also start to see men appear out of nowhere that are trustworthy and loving and open and what we really want.

Yeah. One a commitment. Yeah. And so if, if you’ve never done shadow work before, really the first challenge is to know, kind of wrap your mind around this idea that you being creating your social situations, including your relationships. [inaudible] and this is very difficult for people to accept, but you don’t understand Dr Rob. Yeah.

Uh, they think because it appears this way, that it’s been circumstances, it’s been accidents. Uh, or, or uh, what do they call it? Um, oh, their core wounds that they need to do to recover from,

Oh yeah. Coincidence. Uh, you know, I just happened to be in this p at this party and this person just happened to speak to me and we just happened to go out on dates and, and we happened fall in love.

Well, here’s another one I heard when someone, I told someone years ago about this concept, she said, but you don’t understand. He pursued me. I wasn’t interested in him initially, but he pursued me. So it’s not, I didn’t attract him. He was attracted to me and I said, well, you ended up getting into relationship with him. So it’s still there. It’s very misleading to think that there’s this outside force that’s coming in that’s making you heartbroken or making you, um, suffer in relationships, right? Because, uh, most people do not have a good grasp of the unconscious mind. And so they think that they’re making these conscious decisions at, you know, at the conscious level and rational. Yeah. That, that, that that’s all there is, uh, that this mind, this, this awake mine is, is the one that’s making the choices for them or that they’re making choices through this awake mind, uh, this conscious mind. But the, it’s the unconscious that’s really choosing who you have that chemistry with. Like you were saying, right? So you might meet somebody that on paper looks really good for you, a perfect partner. They got the job, they got the looks, they got everything, but there is no chemistry. They’ll be like, he’s boring. Or because the young conscious does not resonate meaning and young in terms your inner Adam does not correspond to that person.

There’s no match. Right? So we always match up with people based on our past experience with or per early life experience with men. The masculine and also the inner Adam, which is the, that force, the archetype within us, which is the personal experience covers that over. And when we talk about power, really it is our inner power for a woman. It’s reclaiming our spiritual power and we tend to project it onto relationships. And we think that this person that we’re having this chemistry with has all this power, but we’re actually feeling our own power. We’re feeling the inner atom mixed with this other pattern that’s pulling us. And it’s really trying to get us to go back and go inside. But we keep going out looking for the partner. That’s why we, uh, have our inner soul mate challenge because it’s the inner soul mate. We need to be our own soulmate first before we can find the partner.

Yeah. Yeah. So the way the shadow works is that it’s projected externally. And so when a person is not conscious of their, their own, uh, inner atom, when a woman is not conscious of her inner Adam, she projects it outward. And so she sees the guy walk in the room and the music plays and the wind blows in his hair, his eyes sparkle and you know that that saucy and yeah, everything appears to be external to her. You know, the guy is external to her. In other words, that w that experience of love, of obsession, of uh, infatuation appears to be caused by that person, by the guy she has no clue that it’s her own mind greeting. Then it’s her own internal inner Adam that’s activated in that moment. And that is the mistake right there. Right now we’re not trying to dispel the notion of a love at first sight.

It is a very true phenomenon. It happens, but we want to understand it and want to help people understand it so that they’re not, um, they’re not caught up by it unconsciously or unconscious chemistry. Yeah. That, that the, Ah, the shadow is essentially dictating to them what kind of relationship they’re going to have with who, with what kind of person, et Cetera, et cetera. Because if you’re not conscious, that’s exactly what will happen. You will be attracted to people unconsciously and you will think it’s faith. You will think I’m just faded to always fall in love with people that are going to break my heart or leave me or uh, you know, all those things that we hear. So people listening are probably thinking, okay, I can see my relationship life pass before my eyes. How do I change this? How do I begin to access this unconscious part of myself so that I can make that change, make that connection, make it conscious. And um, and so there’s three ways we do it with our creative mind method. And so the first way is for those of you who remember your dreams, we all dream. So when people say, I don’t dream, it’s a lie. We have about four to five dreams a night, but some people don’t them. And then some people may remember fragments, but anytime you have a dream with a male figure in it, that’s about your age is your inner Adam. So he comes symbolically in many forms, but it’s still the same template. So a lot of people will say, Oh, I had a dream about my ex last night.

What does, I mean? It’s showing that, that, that aspect, that relationship needs to be completed in some way. There’s an aspect of that relationship that, uh, is still driving your behavior or theirs. And it also depends on the context of the dream, but the inner atom that, that’s how we can see it. We can get clues and it’s really telling us a story and a symbolic way of what’s going on unconsciously. So this is beyond like thinking positive and belief system. This is more about the dynamic of between you and masculine energy and that’s going to dictate the dynamic between you and the man you meet. So dreams is number one. Number two is visualization or as young called active imagination. And basically it’s not just reprogramming your mind and thinking positive. It’s actually doing, bringing the inner Adam into, um, the visualization and interacting and, and, and having a conversation with him.

And, and it’s more of an active dynamic, um, exchange in a visualization. So it’s kind of like an active meditation or like young called active imagination using the power of your imagination. And it’s like a tennis match. You’re, you’re lobbying a little little ball over and then the inner Adam lobs back and it’s this kind of back and forth of what, how can I work with you? How can I, uh, exchange with you information? And that is really powerful because that’s how we start to feel what I said before, a trusting our relationship with men is we need to trust that inner relationship. And so inner Adam could be also seen as your spirit. So it’s a way for you to, as a woman, to connect with your spiritual self.

[inaudible] it does have that component because the arc type is much more than, um, than just a symbol of relationship. It has to do with the completeness of the person.

And then the last one is working with the emotions in the shadow work that we do is emotional base. So there’s a lot of people that teach shadow work and it’s very logical. Like, Oh, you know, I, I’m this way. So I avoid being this way. And it’s very, you know, kind of, uh, this, uh, cerebral and visceral and, uh, and the way we see our shadow or uncover our shadow is our emotional state defends us all the time. That ego tries to keep us intact or our persona intact. And when contents from the unconscious try to get our attention, it comes in the form of. And so we have certain techniques that we do do in the creative mind method that helps you work with the emotion that arises. And so here’s a quick exercise that you can do to find out about your emotional relationship.

Your shadow around men is, um, think about the last relationship you have or current relationship. And when you think of that person, what’s the emotional charge that comes up? What tr, what gets triggered in you? Is it resentment? Is it, oh, adoration? Is it m a longing? Is it a, a bitterness, jealousy, uh, grief. You know what that feeling is and you can actually work with that feeling and go toward it and open it up. And that’s really giving you the first clue as to how you relate to men. And if you notice, and this is one thing that surprised me when I [inaudible] the pattern was right there and you probably all feel it, is that heartache keeps happening over and over with every relationship. It’s like we have that same feeling that that crushing feeling in our gut sometimes where we feel really like that person’s left us, uh, they’re not interested anymore and that is, are pointing directly to our relationship with our inner atoms. So you, you’re feeling that energy. That is how, um, how you could start working with the inner Adam. What would you add to that for someone working with that emotion?

Well, you know, youngsters without the emotion, there is no transformation. So anything you want to change in your, in your psyche. And I remember the way we see it is that you are the creator of your life. Not only in relationships, in, in everything essentially. So when when you want to make changes, yeah, you can go out there and try to get a bigger degree or get a different job or move to a different city, but you’ll end up playing the same out, uh, playing out the same patterns essentially because the transformation has to be within. And in order for there to be an in inner transformation, you have to access the emotions, not the psychology. Cause a lot of people think, oh, if I know this, I’ll be done. Right. So they say, Oh, I know my patterns, I know my patterns, I’m done.

Well, no, that’s insight. Insight is not enough. You have to access the emotion. And often the emotion is about a fear go in relationships, people are afraid to open up. People are afraid that I’ll get the heartbroken because of past experiences. People are afraid they’ll be abandoned, that they’ll be rejected, et cetera, et cetera. And so they shut down the emotion. They say, I’m going to try and just test it out. Well, you can test out love. You either open up and and experience love or you don’t. And so they remain in that shut down pattern of I gotta protect myself. I gotta defend myself. And Yeah, you’re, you’re safe, you’re protected, but you’re not experiencing love. And you’re not creating what you want in your life because you’re shut down. The emotion is, is going. Yeah. It’s going towards defending yourself. Yeah. Not towards creating.

And a lot of people say, well, that person made me feel that way or that person left. But I always say that that feeling was already there. That person just mirrored what was already inside. And that person that left you gave you the greatest gift because he’s giving you an opportunity to clean up where you’re off base and what you really, truly want. And sometimes we have to go through that heartache to get to the root of what is creating the dysfunction and did not dysfunction, but this harmony in relationships that we really want consciously. So yeah, look at that. And, um, and if you, this is a really cool way to see if you’re open for love, is that if someone breaks your heart or rejects you, is your heart, does your heart remain open or does it shut down? And if it shuts down, you’re basically projecting your power onto men.

Now this is a very difficult thing to do. It’s like hard to keep your heart open when, uh, you’re hurt. But if you can do that, that’s what really transform. And I remember one time before I met you, someone rejected me because he said I was too spiritual. And I remember thinking at first I was like, ah. And then I thought, well, this is the best part of me. This is the part I love the most. He must just not be my guy because the guy that I want to be with love, we’d love that part of me. Cause that’s my favorite part. And it was a way and it was, I was able to keep my heart open even though I was rejected. And that’s really where we come from, where we are, we’re reclaiming the power and we’re saying, you don’t get to define me and tell me I’m wrong because you don’t like something about me.

I decide who I love. It was such a powerful shift and I think it’s what led me to find you because you like my spiritual side, don’t you rob? That’s what I liked the most. Yeah. So you wanna find some. So you want to find the right match, not just any person. You want to find the right match. And if they fall away, it wasn’t right. It wasn’t your highest potential in love. And to remember that that’s really, um, what you were born to have as a high potential of love in the inner Adam really gives us a way to work to achieve that potential.

So what a great heavy topic. Um, we have so much more to share. We do, uh, an inner soulmate every once in a while on our Facebook group and we do have one starting very soon. So be sure to come to creative mind method at the Facebook page and find out more about us. And there’s always a link to our active group that we are doing these free classes and challenges for you to work with different parts of yourself so you can work with this process in a deeper way and interact with us life. Yeah, and if you want to hear more about the inner Adam, let us know. We’re always open to suggestions. Yes. We’d love to hear more. And uh, we will see you next time on creative mind living. See you soon.