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Do you feel guilty saying “no” or do you allow others to make decisions for you and feel resentment? Many people think that lack of boundaries is an indicator of low self-esteem, but as social creatures, everyone has problems with boundaries. If you do not have the ability to set healthy boundaries in relationships you may just avoid relationships all together or just wait for someone to behave according to your rules without having to express yourself.

We all act in relationships based on our past experience by default and that is how we learned to tolerate certain behaviors through example of the adults around us when we were young. This fixed mindset will only lead to the same type of relationship patterns. By setting and expressing boundaries, you get to use your Creative Mind to create your own path and example in how you want to be treated and how you treat yourself.  

In this episode, Debra and Rob will lead you through an honest talk on boundaries in relationships and how to set boundaries to make you feel empowered. 

  • Take a quick assessment on how well you keep your boundaries
  • Understand what are boundaries and why do we need them?
  • The difference between physical and emotional boundaries
  • Explore the Challenges you face when setting boundaries

Episode Exercise: Debra will give you an exercise to begin to address where boundaries are not being expressed and how to start setting them so you can be more empowered in relationships, have more self-respect and surround yourself with people who honor you.

Creative Mind offers a variety of interesting and enlightening personal growth and life coaching programs and programs. So Like our Facebook Page to stay updated!

Episode Transcript: S1 | E12

Please excuse automated-transcription errors

Welcome to Creative Mind Living a podcast for people interested in personal growth based on the principles of Carl Jung, Neuroscience and Eastern Philosophies. We are your hosts, Debra and Robert Maldonado, the founders of Creative Mind Coaching.

Another exciting episode. Rob, how are you today? Very well, thank you. How are you doing? I’m doing great. You know, today is about boundaries. In relationships it’s something that we rarely talk about. Yes. Well it’s something we should be talking about more often and um, just something recently we, you know, we get into these little, I guess they’re called the binges of watching series and I, my friends for so long on Facebook always talk about Downton Abbey and how, you know, they’re so excited about it. And, and I always, when I saw it I was thinking, Ooh, it looks so boring. You know, it did not seem interesting at all to me. And you started watching it and uh, and we watched the whole series and now they have a movie coming out, which I was very surprised at how much I liked it. If you haven’t seen it, it’s a great little series reserve.

A lot of time, but, um, but one thing that relates to boundaries is that back in the 1800s and maybe even before then, I think people had more, uh, set ethics and, um, kind of moral code and code of behavior that we don’t really have anymore. So if you watch that show, you noticed that people know their place, they know what to do, there’s a little proper respect when someone walks in the room. I noticed, um, the Butler when he would walk in and the other workers would stand up. I mean, so there’s these little things that were assumed, but it was because it was a fixed moral, uh, agreements that everyone knew the rules. And I don’t think we have that anymore.

No. Uh, that was part of a class system where you had different stratas of class of people and uh, there was little crossover. If you were born into a certain class, you pretty much stayed there and lived there all your life and you died there. Whereas now where it’s a mobile society in a way, you can go up and down and the different scale of classes in most in most countries. And um, and what, why I think boundaries are such a difficult thing for people now is because there is, especially in the U S well most countries now there’s a mix of cultures. There’s a mix of classes. And so the rules have changed and everyone has their own individual rules and some people make up their own and there’s not a collective, everyone agrees rules in different societies. And so when it comes to boundaries, we tend to assume that people know where they are, but they really don’t. And that’s why we have a hard time. A lot of people ask me, they say, well, you know, he’s not respecting my boundaries. And I say, well that’s because you don’t have any here. Because if you don’t express them, people will not know how to respect them. Unlike in the 1800s or 1700s when people knew you don’t just burst into a room. And if a lady stands up at a table, we, everyone stands up, you open the door for a woman and um, all and you address people and a different way. It’s not that way anymore. So we have to really educate people on what, where our boundaries are and who we are.

Yeah. When my, uh, uh, my previous incarnations as a child psychologist and therapists, uh, I am working with parents, it was often that a, they weren’t communicating the boundaries to the children properly. So the child never knew exactly where the boundary was. And so by nature, children test the boundaries. They want to know exactly how far can I go with this? Lady says, this reminds you of dating at all, someone testing the boundaries. So yeah, so it’s interesting. So let’s start with what are boundaries? So boundaries are guidelines, rules or limits. And they, they inform people and define what are reasonable, safe and permissible ways for other people to behave around you. So really important stuff, right? Because they give us the parameters of what is acceptable behavior and then how you respond when someone steps outside those limits. So if you express your boundaries and they step over it, there’s also the communication of, Hey, you stepped over my boundary. Sometimes we have to communicate it more than once and then we have to ask ourselves, are we communicating them?

Absolutely. And that that’s really why we need them. Um, one, uh, what are the best things that proper boundary setting gives us is our ability to practice self care and self respect. Self respect is that, uh, you know, having dignity in life and if we don’t communicate proper boundaries to people and observe them and also understand them, uh, for ourselves. Meaning we don’t want to overstep our boundaries with other people, right? They have to tell us, Hey, you know, I see a lot of people at, you know, an office and friendships will gossip about the other person but not tell person directly, Hey, you’ve, you know, this isn’t right and it hurts everyone because then you’re, you’re, you’re not speaking up and then you’re just complaining about it to someone else that doesn’t really have any control over the situation and it really doesn’t resolve itself. So it’s always best to address it head on and in relationship some particular you need to communicate your needs and you need to allow for the other person, your partner to communicate their needs to you. And proper boundary setting gives us that ability to where we can do that without fear of uh, uh, angry outburst or hurting feelings.

Believing and abandoning is, that’s a big, big fear people have. If I asked for what I want, they’re going to leave.

Yes. And all that then gives us the ability to make time and space for positive interaction and those relationships because the relationships are going to feel more positive if your both parties are open. No one has resentment toward the other and you have an open communication. And they always say that relationships, the number one reason why relationships fail is because of lack of communication. And it’s so funny how we don’t, we feel so afraid to ask for what we want. And a lot of times it’s our conditioning because we, we aren’t conditioned to ask for what we want. Uh, so it’s, it, it takes effort for us to establish them. If, if we’re not used to having them. So, um, I want to add one more thing too, is that I think that a lot of people have a hard time setting boundaries, tend to be pissed off at people who are very direct and ask for things because they think, because that’s a shadow, you know? So it’s always that if you feel like you’re one of those people that, you know, I hate her, she’s so direct and she just asks for what she wants and she feels so entitled, then you know that that’s what you’re really afraid of. People thinking of you when you ask for what you want. So let’s go into, do you have healthy boundaries? So do you get pissed when people ask for what they want? That that would be a sign? What’s another one?

Well, there’s a lot to boundaries obviously, and we could do a, you know, a whole course on it, but in general, think of in terms of, uh, observing your own behavior, uh, your interaction with, uh, colleagues, uh, friends, partners, family members, and think about these questions. Do you feel responsible for other people’s happiness or success and or success? Meaning do you feel overlay responsible? I like it’s, it’s your fault or it’s your duty to make sure that others are feeling happy and success and all of that stuff.

So the feeling you typically have if you’re feeling responsible is guilt. It drives everything you do.

Oh yeah. Good old guilt. Yes. So what’s the next one? Well, this is really a major one. It’s the inability to say no for fear of confrontation or rejection. Like how many times have we said yes, I’m going to go, or a, yeah, I’m going to do this. And we really didn’t want to do it, but we were afraid of confrontation or rejection, meaning that, you know, they’re going to be angry. They’re gonna say that he or he or she’s not a good friend. I’m not going to, I call them my anymore, whatever. And there we go, doing stuff that, you know, we don’t want to be doing and then we, and it doesn’t help them either. Yes. So if you’ve done that, uh, it’s a, this call is definitely for you, cause we’re gonna talk a little bit about how to, how to work with that. And then, uh, thirdly, sharing too much, too soon or fearful of expressing your wants and needs. So the opposite, two opposite ends of the spectrum, right? Oversharing or under sharing, right? Oversharing is B. Uh, you’re, you’re kind of giving your yourself too much [inaudible] because you feel like, uh, you want this person to really like you or to really kind of be your friend and that kind of stuff. Uh, I use, I used to see that item, networking events where people would come up to me and I always say they threw up on me. They’re all their stuff and Oh my God, and I do this and I do that. And I don’t know. And you’re not even, they’re not even listening to you or your feedback, they’re just kinda dumping on you. And then the opposite would be the, the hiding and being too shy and not saying anything, not sharing. So you’re kind of afraid of what people are gonna think. If you do that or you’re, or you’re just afraid people are gonna leave. So you’re, you don’t have boundaries with yourself.

Right. You’re not asking for what you want and what you need. A, I’ve always thought that if you want to test the relationship, take a road trip with somebody. We did that. Yeah. And if you can manage it, uh, you’re doing okay, you’re doing pretty good. But if that person gets on your nerves and you start arguing about where are you going to eat and what, you know, what time are you gonna get up and those kinds of things, uh, you know, it reveals boundary, boundary issues, boundary questions there. So all the, you know, just think along those terms then. And like I said, obviously this is, there’s a lot more to this, but we can only cover so much in this yet. Yeah. So, um, why, why is it so challenging to work with these boundaries? You know? Oh, one of them is a, we’re not taught healthy boundaries, well, we’re taught like punishment and, but it’s not really boundaries. It’s more behavior. Will, it’s we, we kind of leave it up to circumstances, right? Uh, parents are usually assume that they’re learning, that the children are learning proper boundaries by observing me. Right. And, and they’re just gonna absorb it or they’re going to be taught in school and the school usually as soon as well, they’re going to be taught at home how to, you know, interact and set proper boundaries or maybe they don’t even think about it at all. Right? It’s not like, it’s not even thought about like I, it’s just like parents usually tell the children just behave, but they don’t explain what behave means. In other words, they don’t explain what is expected of you. What is proper behavior, where is it, where is the line? Or they wait until the child does something that really irritates them and then they say no, or punish the child like you said.

Yeah. That’s, um, how I was brought up. I didn’t really, I mean we had certain rules, but then there were rules I didn’t know and I didn’t realize I broke them until I was punished. And, but if you don’t set the, it’s not fair to the child to punish them if you haven’t set the rule. Now, here’s a really good example of that in dating and relationships is that you get mad at someone, your partner or someone you’re dating for doing something that you feel is crossing your boundary. Uh, but you don’t tell them that that was the rule. They can’t read your mind. So you have to communicate and, and a lot of women will tell me, well, I don’t want to seem like a whiny, you know, you know, needy person setting boundaries is not needy. You know, it’s needy, not setting boundaries because you’re so afraid of asking for what you want.

So that’s very, keep that very clear. Asking for what you want is not needy. Yes, and I’m in relationships. You do see that fear of confrontation, rejection and abandonment. Obviously it plays in. Now we don’t want you to get into this idea that, you know, we don’t want you to think there’s something wrong with you if you’ve been experiencing these things. These are natural things in us. We’re, we’re social creatures. And it’s built in for us not to want confrontation, to avoid it because in a group you need to get along, you need to go along with the group. So the group survives. It helps us be part of that group. So that natural instinct to not want confrontation to avoid it is, it’s a natural part of our psyche. It’s going to be working automatically. Can I ask you a question? Do you think, and my experience, it seems that women have a harder time keeping boundaries than men.

Sure. Because it was part of their kind of uh, they had to keep the peace and yes. To, to keep the group together and make sure they were more flexible. Yeah. Make sure that the children had a viable group to depend on. And that required kind of this getting along with others and making sure there wasn’t a lot of fighting. And, and is that why men are like a bull in a China shop when they’re in relationships cause they, they kind of, they don’t hold back as much or they’re not so self self conscious around boundaries as women are. Yes. Could be. I mean, obviously of course we’re talking stereotypes here, but yeah, uh, there, there is kind of an evolutionary component to all this. Uh, we’re, we’re naturally inclined not to want to be rejected obviously, because if we were rejected from the group that was trouble for us.

We would not be able to survive outside the group. And therefore that desire to be part of the group is very strong and then abandonment, right? We don’t want to be abandoned, uh, by the group because that, again, that would mean death or us. We always think that if we asked for what we want, people won’t like us or if they say no, they’ll, they’ll judge us for asking. Yes. You know, all those, that story that goes in our head and most of the time people are not even thinking what we’re thinking. So you have to ask, right? So, so the point of this is that you’re going to feel uncomfortable setting boundaries. It’s not going to come naturally. It’s not going to feel like great. It’s going to feel a little uncomfortable and you’re going to feel guilty. Uh, even doing it initially, it’ll bring up a lot of guilt because you’ll, you’ll ask yourself like, shit, did I ask for too much?

Am I asking for too much from this person? Um, I see this with women entrepreneurs too. Like, uh, women in the service industry charging for what they are worth. I mean, people that I work with and that I pay services for, um, I have to coach them and charging more. I always tell them, well, keep my rate but joking around, but they, they don’t charge enough. They don’t, you know, ask for, you know, more money from people because they’re so afraid that people aren’t going to, they’re going to leave them, are going to lose money and, and you know, I think we all can help each other by asking for what we want and being more open and we lift each other up when we do that. Yeah. A lot of people misinterpret this as low self esteem, but it’s not a low self esteem. It’s simply our nature to want to please others and be part of the group. And it’s a good quality. Exactly. Eh, but again, we want to develop the ability to set proper, healthy boundaries and doing in a conscious way. So where does this play in as pushy, in relationships, physical boundaries. You know, especially in the beginning, right? How many people have said on a date that the guy touched them inappropriately or made unwanted sexual advances or even, uh, comments. Um, I’ve seen people get texts from, uh, tell me they get texts from people. They’re just chatting with online or on the app and they’re saying sexual things. And you have to keep boundaries. Like I said, men are a bulimic China shop. They, they don’t know. So maybe they thought that was appropriate. And uh, you don’t want to make a quick judgment on someone because of they, they acted inappropriately that maybe not fit into your, um, system. But if you communicate and then if they continue the behavior that’s not good, then you, you can make a better decision. But usually sometimes people are just not used to you and, and what you need. So it’s always, it’s a really a great opportunity to stand up for yourself, inappropriate touching things such as unwanted sexual advances. Obviously, you know, it’s been in the news about the me too movement and all that. And it’s a big part of what we have to kind of figure out as a society and as a culture. 

Yeah, it gets restructured. We have to be able to talk about these things and we’re women and I’m speaking up and letting someone know what’s appropriate, what’s not is, is, um, is very important for all women, especially in the workplace, um, and in, in all levels of society. But it’s always, it’s really, really important to set that example, especially if you’re a leader and you have women working for you. It’s always great to have that. When I was, um, in a, I worked at MTV, my boss told me once that I needed to flirt with her boss more Soho liked me. That’s the kind of advice I got. So you see, this is really terrible. You know, examples, some people don’t even realize they, they’ve maybe gotten away with or gotten their promotions because they were flirtatious. And that’s just not a great ma, um, uh, model to, to present to women that we want. We don’t want to demean ourselves. We’re smart. We have a lot of talent. We don’t need to do that.

Yeah. And it’s difficult because each company creates its own little culture. And so you’re walking into a preset culture that, you know, kind of everybody assumes these rules are known to everyone. And, and you know, often you have to learn them with time. Um, this one, I think more in terms of personal relationships, not only, uh, four people overstepping their boundary, your boundaries, but also perhaps you, uh, overstepping their boundaries, uh, looking through other’s personal files and emails. All right. So when I look at your phone and check your messages and I’m like that route, right? That’s what I mean.

Even sometimes I notice, I’ll look at to see what you’re looking at at the computer. That’s kind of a like, uh, yeah, it feels like, uh, I’m checking up on you. I saw a video recently. It’s interesting too what you were watching and then I realized that it’s, it’s a crossing a boundary, right? Not that you’re hiding anything from me, but it’s like [inaudible] I saw a video recently, this guy posted though he was in a plane in the legally Axiom was, was a kind of kept looking at his phone and he points the camera at her and she has [inaudible] yeah. Or like going through emails and files and you know, snooping around and then, uh, yeah, I mean, couples get into trouble with this, right? Because they feel, well, I want to know what they’re up to and, and so they start checking emails, checking phones, those kind of things. And if you have to do that, then it’s probably not a good relationship. Right.

Uh, you have to, it’s a good sign that you have to talk about boundaries there. Uh, not allowing others or personal space, uh, Bay a major problem for couples as well when they don’t allow each other to do the things that they love, the other person loves because then they feel it feels claustrophobic essentially. Right? I can’t be myself. I can’t do the things that I enjoy going out with your friends or having a hobby, is that what you’re saying? Or it could be anything. Right. Again, because personal boundaries are very individualistic and everybody kinda has their own ideas of it. But the, the, the, the thing is that you have to be able to communicate what are my boundaries, what are my expectations and how are they going to play out in this relationship with this other person that has their own particular set of boundaries.

And yeah, there’s this assumption that you’re a couple now, so you should spend every Saturday night together. And, and then also we create this like pattern of being with each other. And then if a person wants to have some space to do something outside, like hang out with the guys or hang out with the girls, it’s like you have to just communicate it instead of just assume that, Oh, I can’t do it because the old ball and chain at home, well let me out. So you don’t ever want to have that kind of relationship. You talk about it and, and express it. So neither party feels frustrated or or abandoned or you know, all sides. So physical boundaries, they’re there. They’re kind of easy compared to the emotional boundaries that we’re going to talk about now because physical boundaries, you can observe them, you can see them. Whereas the emotional boundaries are a little bit more subtle. You have to really kind of go by your gut instincts, your feelings and really kind of process and all that stuff. But so not knowing how to separate your feelings from your partners, that’s a big one. Right? And allowing his or her mood to dictate your level of happiness or sad.

Ah, so your partner’s having a a struggle and you feel like you can’t be happy until they’re happy and then you kind of take on their emotional state and then then they’re happy and then you feel sad but you feel like you can’t be sad because they’re happy and it’s that kind of codependency around emotion.

Yes, very much so. And we are a kind of social creatures that go a lot by feeling, although in our culture we emphasize cognition thinking we’re really more of a feeling, you know, how do we feel around some Miami, you know, that’s the reason we stay with somebody because the way we feel. Right.

Don’t you think also this happens in the workplace if there’s, it’s like a toxic workplace environment. Like we’re, we, we feeling what everyone else is feeling. We’re kind of unconsciously picking up that the toxicity, the anger, the frustration, and then we’re kind of, we’re not even having our own thoughts around the situation. We’re just pulled into the group thinking the group emotion. So that’s also, um, I see this, you probably saw this when you were in therapy for it with support groups where like the group kinda had its own emotional energy and an individual couldn’t really decipher it was at the group Cenergy or my emotion that I’m feeling. Absolutely and here’s another sure sign of emotional boundary issues, sacrificing your plans, dreams and goals in order to please the other person. You just posted something by Carl Jung, which was a great quote that kind of talks about that, this issue. Yes. Do you want me to read the quote for you? Okay. It says some pulling it up right now. Um, “A marriage is more likely to succeed if the woman follows her own star and remains conscious of her wholeness rather than constantly concerning herself with her husband’s star and his wholeness.” So this is definitely boundaries. It’s you owning your own light versus trying to lift him up all the time, hook him up and make sure he’s happy and that I can be happy.

Yeah. And, and nowadays it could easily be in reverse as well. [inaudible] you have women that are more successful than the guy. And you know, often the, the power dynamics are different where they, they lower their success, unconsciously sabotage their success. Uh, you know, a lot of women I worked with that are single always say like, I don’t want to keep getting promotions because pretty much I’ll be, I’ll, I’ll promote myself out of the dating market that they won’t be mad at my level that are like, it’s shrinking the type of man I can be with the more I succeed. So a lot of women hold themselves back because they believe that they can’t be bigger or brighter than a man. Um, and then not taking responsibility for yourself and blaming others for your problem. That’s an emotional boundary that you don’t even know where the problem lies. You’re, you’re pushing it away.

Yeah. I think we all do that. Right? Uh, especially in relationships because who the other person is the easiest person to blame for your situation. Right? I, I lost my keys. Who’s to blame? Well, you’re to blame, right? The first person you see is the person at Starbucks. Then behind, you know, the couple, right? Yeah. It’s kind of an easy projection to say, if, you know, a feud hadn’t distracted me, I would have not lost my keys or something like that. Or I’m unhappy in this marriage. It’s your fault. It becomes a problem when it becomes like a goat to way of dealing with situations and problems. Right? So the, the person is blaming, uh, not taking responsibility for their own happiness and feelings and, uh, projecting them onto the partner. And of course, that’s not gonna work for very long because the other person’s gonna get tired of it.

Yes. And if then they’re, your worst fear will come true. So the bottom line is you have to take responsibility for your own feelings, for your own physical space and for your own feelings. Yes. So how do we set boundaries? Um, Rob, uh, when you feel anger or resentment or you find yourself whining or complaining, you probably need to set a boundary. Why are you looking at me? W everybody feels this at one point or another. You feel resentment. You feel, uh, uh, you’re triggered, you feel strong emotion. Are your feel whiny, like a kid, you know, uh, having a tantrum or you’re just complaining, constantly complaining. Um, that’s a sure sign. Any of those signs that you need to set a boundary. You know, the thing about what’s going on here, well, I’d like to give a really cool exercise for you to do and that is, I love this exercise. I don’t know where it originally came from, but I hear a lot of coaches teach it, but it’s brilliant. So if you haven’t heard about, when I heard about it, I said, wow, I need to do this and I need to let everyone I know do this. It’s called the, um, the tolerations list that we set a list of things that we’re tolerating or our life and that’s really where our boundaries aren’t being set. So, right. Just kind of get into getting to take, get some time to get, uh, your journal out and just write things in your life that are irritating you. Um, like, you know, my room’s messy or I really don’t like where I live or my car keeps breaking down. Um, I’m, I, I really don’t like my boss or I, I hate that my boss keeps making me work late all the time. Or I, the person I’m dating is his, um, he keeps ER, you know, canceling at the last minute. Um, doesn’t it, the relationship isn’t going anywhere or whatever it is. You write down your tolerations can be little things, household things can be things in your life. Like you’re tolerating your being five pounds overweight or you’re tolerating that you’re having gone to the gym in a month or [inaudible].

And so you write those down and then the next step is to start setting boundaries in those areas. So it’s either a boundary that you need for yourself that you’re going to start making a commitment to yourself. Cause that’s what a boundary is. That’s a commitment to, to change, to, to own and honor yourself. So we do it clearly, calmly, firmly, if it’s for someone else respectfully and with few words as possible. Yeah. Because we tend to, as women especially have a story around why overexplain I never do that. Do I? Wrong? I explained to the toll per person why I didn’t have change were like, okay, so I’m a, I’m guilty of that. That it’s kind of a pleasing a thing that we do to avoid, um, someone getting mad at us for asking for something. So notice those qualities and see if you could say no as a complete sentence versus having to give a backstory around it.

Right? So a good way to think about it is, yeah, you first assess the situation. Take stock, like you say, make a list. Think about what is it that I’m complaining about? What is it that I’m tolerating, uh, what is making me angry, frustrated, all that good stuff. Then you said about to clarify your boundary, whatever it is, talking to the boss, talking to your coworkers, talking to your partner and saying, we need to talk to it calmly, clearly, firmly, respectfully with few words. Don’t over explain like Debbie said or like Debbie does. And thirdly, do not justify, get angry or apologize for the boundary you’re setting.

I’m sorry, I’m sorry, but I have to tell you how many times do, do that. We, it kind of buffers the, the rejection or the feeling of anger is, I’m sorry, but I have to cancel that appointment. I’m sorry, I can’t make it.

It’s, yeah, it’s okay to apologize, but I think [inaudible] but overly apology. Yeah, yeah. Kind of to feel that you’re, you don’t have the right to do this, right? Like you’re, you’re asking for too much and that’s, you know, that’s the whole idea in boundary is setting is to a S is that self respect that we talked about at the beginning. You’re respecting yourself. First of all, you don’t have to apologize for being, you know, of course, if you promise something and then took that back, that would be an, I’m sorry. But if someone says, can you go to lunch next week? You don’t have to say, I’m sorry. I can you say you could say, no, I, I can’t, let’s reschedule. Or, uh, that we tend to want to apologize. Yes. Overly apologize. Women especially, there’s actually a video I think Amy Schumer did where, uh, it’s all the, how women’s it’s called. I’m sorry. It’s all the women. How would they say? I’m sorry all the time in all these different students in the interrupt, someone in the, in a meeting, in a corporate meeting, I’m sorry, but can I add something in here? We always feel like we have to buffer that aggression and um, and we have to stand powerful and who we are. Yeah. Well no one else’s going to stand for us.

Yes. Or some people wait until they’re angry and, and, and, and that’s not a good way to set boundaries because again, you’re waiting til of the pressure builds up too much and then you’re not able to do it in that calm, rational manner.

Do you feel like people that do have those outbursts a lot have poor boundaries and they only, they, the only way they can keep boundary, like their boundary setting is in outbursts and, and extreme yelling. That’s the only time they do it. It’s either totally tolerating, tolerating, tolerating and then the pursed and I wonder that would probably be something they probably learned from growing up. Maybe that’s how they learned how boundaries were set. You don’t say anything, you don’t say anything. You don’t say anything until it gets too much and you have to blurt it out. Yeah. So if you find yourself angry a lot, you probably don’t have good boundaries.

Yeah. And again, uh, uh, in this kind of society where we interact with people from so many different backgrounds and, uh, it’s such a rapid, uh, shift in workplaces and cities, you know, we in in a year, we’re in four or five different major cities or all around the world. Uh, you, you have to be conscious of what boundaries are, how to communicate them effectively, how not to get so triggered when others overstep their boundaries with you and understand the right context and what to do when those situations happen. So we could talk for this, a, about this for a long time, but we’re, um, at a time, thank you so much for joining us today for creative mind living and we’re going to be with another episode next week. In the meantime, join us on our Facebook page creative mind method and we will see you next time. All right. See you next time. Take care. Keep your boundaries.