Join us as we continue our series on relationships with the workplace. We look at how our team, bosses, colleagues and also being the boss reflect our own psyche. In this episode we discuss:
- How your workplace is a mirror of your family system early in life;
- How your team unconsciously projects their “parent complex” onto you in work situations;
- How work conflicts are great opportunities to grow and empower yourself.
Watch the next Soul Session in this series on our YouTube Channel.
Debra Maldonado 00:01
Hello, everyone. Welcome to Soul Sessions with CreativeMind. I’m Debra Berndt Maldonado.
Robert Maldonado 00:07
And I’m Dr. Rob Maldonado.
Debra Maldonado 00:09
Today we are continuing our series on relationships. Everyone’s favorite topic, and today’s topic is disempowering work relationships, where I think we all can relate in some way.
Robert Maldonado 00:30
Most of us have been there, or will be there at some point, or maybe are currently in those situations. We’re going to talk a little bit about what disempowerment is, how it plays out in the work relationships, and then what you can do about it.
Debra Maldonado 00:47
So disempowering, how would you define it?
Robert Maldonado 00:54
How do we fall into that trap of feeling disempowered and giving our power away? Because from our perspective, we see ourselves as the ones that give our power away. No one is holding a gun to our head and saying “You have no personal power.” It’s our own mind, our misunderstanding, our conditioning, our past patterns, whatever it is, it is us who give our power away.
Debra Maldonado 01:28
That’s a really good point. Because a lot of people say “They’re taking away my power, this person is taking away my power, my boss is very disempowering.” We want to take responsibility. Projecting the power on to our bosses and our clients, if we have our own business, or team, we are disempowering ourselves. How do we reclaim that power?
Robert Maldonado 01:54
First of all, let’s go back to the basics. From our perspective, the mind is the cause of our life, whether we’re thinking about relationships, romantic relationships, work relationships, success, etc, the mind is the cause of those things. The external circumstances simply are reflecting that mindset. That goes back to this idea of a conscious universe. Recently, there’s been some articles, on Scientific American and some of the big scientific journals, announcing that scientists are finally coming around to this idea that we’re living in a conscious universe, everything seems to be alive. We really don’t need validation from science, because science is a great tool, and we support that but we’ve known this for millennia. I have this East/West discussion with a lot of our clients and our students, from a scientific perspective certainly people can, or scientists can, figure out this idea that’s been around for a long time that, yes, it is a conscious universe that we’re living in. But there’s a difference because it won’t be a direct experience, it will be a formula, an idea, another idea to add to your understanding of the universe. But we want a direct experience of that direct realization. That goes back to this idea of how we give our power away. Because it plays directly into this idea that how are you seeing the external world? Are you seeing it as independent and separate from your mind? Because that is a material interpretation of the universe, that we are separated by matter, and that I am inside my head and everything else is happening externally to me. That’s materialistic understanding. That’s not how it works. That’s not the way the universe works. The universe is more like a conscious idea. Like a dream.
Debra Maldonado 04:30
That’s a great way to start this out, because I think that really the root of disempowerment is projecting your power to the world saying “This thing happened to me. This person did this to me, I’m a victim. I’m in this terrible predicament that I’m trapped in.” It’s like you feel trapped. You feel you don’t have any personal power to make a change in your life. I hate my job, I hate my boss, but I can’t leave because I need the money. You’re trapped, I keep getting the same kind of relationships, these dynamics keep playing out. How does it play out? We’re going to talk about two scenarios. There’s work relationships if you’re in the corporate world and you’re working with teams, and with bosses and colleagues, and then there’s also if you’re an entrepreneur, it’s the same, there’s this similar dynamic, but you’re working with clients, or you’re a consultant and you have clients that you’re working with, or patients. You’re trying to deal with the conflicts that show up in those situations because all of us, whether we’re an entrepreneur or our work for someone else— people are always going to cause conflicts in our life. There’s going to be conflicts with those relationships, where do they come from? Basically, they’re a reflective of our early life experience. They play out. My bosses were always like my father, the disapproving, not appreciative, never showing how much they like you, critical father. I would go into these jobs, and I’d always have to change jobs all the time thinking “I really don’t like this boss.” The same situation would show up in the new job. It was always this needing to prove myself. When you find yourself repeating patterns, you start to think, if you’re the central point, then there’s something to look at here. That would be one way it plays out that you feel it’s a familiar pattern, but you you feel stuck in it.
Robert Maldonado 06:50
That sets us up for disempowerment. Because imagine that your early experiences in your family with your parents, you internalize that, that becomes your filter, your lens through which you see the world, then you go out into the world, and you project that unto the screen of the world.
Debra Maldonado 07:22
So you hand out the scripts based on the scripts you created when you were in that younger time.
Robert Maldonado 07:28
That’s right. You’re not really seeing the current situation, what you’re experiencing is your projection, your past conditioning, on to a present moment.
Debra Maldonado 07:42
I think not only family, but also socially. Because we really work with our peers, not only the family relationships, the dynamic of the parents play out, or the sibling rivalry, but also how you fit into growing up in school? Were you accepted? Were you part of the cool crowd? Were you the nerdy one that was always left out? This feeling like you want to be a part of something. All those patterns from growing up. We tend to reflect back all those relationships as social dynamics that we learn to be in our persona, our identity.
Robert Maldonado 08:25
What a projection does is, we give away our power right there, because what we’re saying through projection, through believing in the process of projection that the external circumstances have power over me. In other words, I’m saying only when things work out in a certain way, will I be happy. Only when the boss responds to me in a certain way will I be happy in my work. Projection and buying into it. In other words, misinterpreting what we’re experiencing sets us up for that disempowering feeling because now we’re waiting for the external circumstances to dictate to us how we feel.
Debra Maldonado 09:20
So for example, in the dynamic of the parent, say you had a very critical parent, when we get into a corporate setting, we are projecting that authority that our parent had onto our boss or any authority figure. They just play the role, you’re not even seeing that person for who they are. But you’re assuming or even interpreting everything they say, the same way you interpreted—. It’s more of an interpretation than them actually. Because sometimes I remember thinking my boss didn’t like me, and then they’re like “We love you. You’re doing great.” But in my mind, it was that projection of that negative parent.
Robert Maldonado 10:05
And for entrepreneurs, it’s not necessarily the boss, but the business then becomes that reflection.
Debra Maldonado 10:13
Or the clients become your authority, because they’re the ones who are paying, especially if you come from the corporate world, you’re used to the authority being in charge of your income. If you’re a coach, or a consultant, or lawyer, or any kind of service type of situation where you’re getting money from clients directly, like small business, you are actually making them the authority unconsciously. Even though you are the teacher, you feel that you can unconsciously give them your power. I’ve seen this a lot with especially coaches, since we train coaches, I see this a lot with keeping boundaries with their clients, because they feel like “If I ask set some boundaries my client’s going to leave me and they’re not going to pay me, or they’re going to get mad at me.” They fall into that same trap of obedience. That’s disempowering. Even in the corporate world, not asking a boss for a raise, not asking for anything. One of my very first memories was, I went to my boss and just said “I’m going to end up quitting, I’m going to leave New York City, and I’m going to move”, and she was like “I didn’t know you were unhappy.” I said “I really wanted to get promoted. I can’t believe you haven’t promoted me yet.” She was “Why didn’t you ask me?” My mind was creating that she didn’t appreciate me or didn’t think I was capable. But it was just a projection, just having a conversation. It’s like getting that power back, asking for what you want, not being afraid of being rejected — those things that were conditioned early in life, because when we were kids, how many times that our parents tell us no? A lot. Can I get this new super powered motorcycle? No, you can’t. That obedience that we learn, which is good when we’re kids, we need to have some structure. But then we end up projecting that.
Robert Maldonado 12:16
How does it play out in the work situation? We’ve established that there is this process of projection. It is part of the ego’s defense mechanisms, but it’s also part of just the way we experience the world. In other words, it’s not pathological to project. It’s simply that we get to a certain point where we want to understand how the mind is working. Because otherwise we’re going through our life, misunderstanding what we’re experiencing. We’re thinking it’s all coming from the external, the external has this power over me, and I have no power. As we see that it plays out in the work that we’re doing, in the relationship with the boss, in the relationship with colleagues, in the relationship with the business and clients, how do we start to understand it? In other words, how to benefit from what we’re experiencing?
Debra Maldonado 13:29
A lot of us have had two parents. There’s always the good cop and the bad cop, the one you liked and the one you didn’t, the one that gave you a hard time. We see them show up in a lot of different ways. There’s the authority figure which the parent is, there’s two ways that authority figure can act. They can act either as the critic or the oppressor, or they can act as the savior in your mind. If you give that authority to your boss, they’re either the savior or the critic. Or the client, this client is paying me, so they’re my savior, they’re coming to save me. You’re giving them that authority. How it really plays out is this idea that you put them up on a pedestal, you’re disempowered. How you relate it to your parents and that dynamic and authority figures early on is how you’re going to play out by default unless you become conscious.
Robert Maldonado 14:35
Personally, I had what Jung would call a mother complex. Again, this is a natural process for all of us, because we all internalize our parents, and then experience those things in work settings. Here’s an opportunity for us to learn from it. Because what we’re doing through the projection is we’re seeing it playing out externally to us, somebody is actually playing the role that is internalized in you.
Debra Maldonado 15:11
It’s not a random event. There’s a reason why this person’s in your life.
Robert Maldonado 15:18
I had a very supporting and loving, nurturing mother. The shadow of that, meaning this suffocating controlling critical mother, didn’t really exist for me. But it’s in the shadow. Meaning, it’s going to come up for me so that I can face the opposite. So I can integrate it as Jung would say.
Debra Maldonado 15:52
Instead of thinking that everyone needs to be that one way?
Robert Maldonado 15:58
Yes. Anything that you’re attached to and move towards consciously, you’re creating the opposite.
Debra Maldonado 16:05
Because you can be attached to the loving, nurturing mother. A lot of people think “That how it should be.” But that actually can create an attachment.
Robert Maldonado 16:16
Yes, because what you’re doing then is you’re cultivating a conscious way for your relationship to move towards a work situation that is nurturing, supportive, loving. And whenever you’re attached to that consciously, you’re creating its opposite, you’re moving away from the challenging, critical pressure filled situation. You end up creating it basically. In other words, the mind is going to create that for you, so that you can integrate it. But if we misunderstand that work situation, we think “I keep falling into these opposite job situations that I want to create for myself” because we think “I’m doing it wrong”, but it’s actually that the mind is giving you an opportunity to face it.
Debra Maldonado 17:18
— to integrate it, because you’re not really in balance if you are attached to only feeling loved and adored by people. It sounds like that’s how you surround yourself with people that love and adore you. But then if you’re attached to it, it actually becomes a problem.
Robert Maldonado 17:35
The integration for me happened precisely in a situation where I had a woman supervisor who was that shadow mother, exactly the opposite of everything I was looking for. And I had to face it. In staying with it and facing that challenge, and understanding it as part of my growth process, you get to integrate it, meaning you’re not running away from it anymore, you’re able to deal with it in a conscious way and use it to your advantage, it gives you a more holistic perspective on work and your career.
Debra Maldonado 18:22
I think that in a coach situation or service, if you’re doing work and have clients that pay you and you’re in your own business, a lot of times what you’re working through is coaches want to be appreciated, they want to be loved, they want the client to tell them how great their results are. They want to keep continuing to work with them, there’s that attachment. The thing is, if you depend on that, you’re going to get the opposite. The one client that says “I’m not really getting any results” and always complains, it’s a great way to see “That’s the shadow because I’m so attached to being one thing, this is an opportunity” instead of “Let’s get rid of that person, they’re too much of a problem. I’m only going to be with people that love and adore me.” It’s not it when you’re attached to it. It’s not about respect, of course there’s opportunities for boundaries and disrespect. But if you’re too attached to always only hearing the good side from clients and only hearing the praise, then you’re going to end up limiting yourself but also it’s going to be very stressful. Another thing you have to think about in the work and the client situation is that your clients and your team and the people that work under you are going to be projecting their parent authority onto you at the same time. What happens is that if you’re not conscious, both people are projecting, and you’re not really seeing the other person, you’re having a relationship with them in your mind, they’re having a relationship with you in their mind. Nothing really gets accomplished. This is, I think, why people get divorced, why people leave jobs. There’s all this misunderstanding, because no one’s really aware of what’s happening truly.
Robert Maldonado 20:22
People often ask at this point “Does that mean I should always stay in the situation that I’m in even though I’m struggling or having a hard time?”
Debra Maldonado 20:37
I say, until you face the shadow you’re not clear on what is actually happening. I’ve seen so many of my clients who’ve had difficult relationship with bosses. I see — it’s very common — that once they worked on their shadow, the relationship with their boss starts to improve because they change their piece of the puzzles, and everything starts to shift. A lot of times, they’re both really dealing with the same shadow sometimes. If two people are insecure, they’re going to project that other thing on the other person, then you’re entangled, that shadow entanglement. A client and coach can have that, any kind of service and a client can have that dynamic. If there’s that struggle, they’re both projecting. The best thing to do is work on your own projection first. Then you could decide “This isn’t what I want”, you’re making a clear decision, not from a reaction from the past or projection, you’re actually seeing clearly what the situation is. We always say that you should always respect yourself. It’s really good to keep boundaries. But you also have to just check in and see “What am I projecting in this situation?”
Robert Maldonado 21:53
It’s always an opportunity when triggers like that, or difficult situations arise for us, if we stay with it, at least long enough to get to the point where you’re saying “I’m seeing things clearly now, I can see that it’s been my own projection, and I can see why I’ve created these situations for myself”, then you can decide whether you stay or go.
Debra Maldonado 22:19
For me boundaries were a big deal. I think a lot of women, whether it’s the boss or you have your own business — because we just want to be good people, we want people to like us, that setting boundaries puts us in that parental role, we’re now being the mother or the father saying “No, these are the rules.” There we have, first of all, resistance to take on that role. And then second, we’re afraid of the response from the other person that we won’t be loved and adored. You have to think in this dynamic of what is your relationship with authority and what do you project into the authority figures around you? That may be in your shadow, maybe you are the follower and never had that authority, you have to integrate that part into your life. It is tough sometimes when you are used to being the pleaser and smoothing things over. When you learn to set boundaries, there’s going to be pushback, there’s going to be friction, people now aren’t always going to be happy. You have to be strong enough to not fall back into the old pattern of “Okay, it’s fine” and back up. For me that was a big deal for me — people asking for more than they got out of the program or stretching things. Being willing to say “No, this isn’t what we need” and being willing to be that disciplinary in a way says “This is my boundary.” It’s very empowering because that makes other people understand where they stand, then they know what’s going on versus this gray area of “I don’t know how to be with you.” It’s like “These are the rules. These are the things.”
Robert Maldonado 24:07
It’s such a subtle thing because we know when a person is empowered and feels empowered. They’re comfortable in their own skin, they know what they want, you don’t have that sense of anxiousness or nervousness around them. Because you know what to expect from them. Even if you don’t agree with them, you respect them because they know who they are and what they want. That energy is what empowerment gives you — the ability to show up for your work life as somebody who knows who they are and what they’re creating in their life.
Debra Maldonado 24:51
I see this too in the colleagues level, where you see someone who’s always talking up in the boardroom or the meetings and taking credit for everything and asking for things. I’ve seen people say “I’m working really hard, and Becky over here takes all the day time off, shows up late all the time, leaves early, she is always on personal calls, and here I am working, and it’s not fair.” They’re showing you your shadow, you’re so attached to being the hard worker, you’re afraid to get away with that. How does that affect you? So people that trigger you at work, it’s really amazing how much they can teach you. I’ve seen that happen too. A lot of our clients are hard working successful women. They’re always triggered by the slackers at the office, or people that work for them that are slackers. You have to look at this as part of your own psyche and the conditioning and those roles that you played and that were played around you, and it’s just recreating itself over and over again.
Robert Maldonado 26:07
I wanted to also ask you about this because this often comes up when I’m coaching our students and clients. A lot of us were raised with this idea of the path of least resistance. We think if things are going smoothly for me and I’m comfortable in my situation, that’s what I’m meant to be doing, that’s where I should stay. Is that a good approach to our work?
Debra Maldonado 26:43
I always say the path of least resistance is the path of least existence. Because the conflict is actually what helps us grow. Conflict creates change. If you ever see any type of movie, any drama, if you study screenwriting, you know that the character is one way in the beginning, and a conflict had to come in for them, that conflict basically changed them. That led to the evolution. If we didn’t have conflict, we would not be pressured to grow. So when we have a conflict with a colleague, a boss, a client, we have to say “This is an opportunity for me to grow.” For me this has been really hard early in my career, being the pleaser, when I was a hypnotherapist. People would show up and be like “I can’t pay you today but can I pay you next week.” I was just so afraid to ask for money or to set those boundaries, then I found that wasn’t helping me at all, the path of that least conflict. I was avoiding conflict, it created me not making enough money and not being successful. When I did start asking for more money, raising my rates, the conflict started, the guilts and the people saying “You’re too expensive”, or setting boundaries with people — it started that conflict. But it was a sign that I was growing, it was a sign that I wasn’t willing to just buffer myself into my old behavior, I was ready to step out. Sometimes when we’re not consciously moving towards something, but when we’re ready to move to the next level, a conflict will arise. For me, my last year in my corporate job, the last few months, I was starting to get really comfortable. I was like “I probably don’t need to find my purpose. I can just stay here, it’s comfortable.” Then all of a sudden they had a big rearrangement of the company, they changed my job. All this stuff started happening that stirred up. It was the conflict that led me to actually leave and break free. But at the time, it was like “I want to make a comfortable little position here. Now you turn things around.” When we have those kind of upheavals in life, we lose a job or we lose a big client or something happens, we say this is something that’s helping me grow to the next level. We may not even know what it is yet, but you trust that that’s what’s happening. We don’t want to be afraid of tragedies, obstacles, and conflicts.
Robert Maldonado 29:27
If we don’t step outside that comfort zone, everything is smooth and everything is peaceful. Then we have to wait for those crises to arise in order to grow. But if we’re willing to step outside and always push the boundary, we’re in a way doing it in a conscious way. We’re consciously directing our own evolution. Instead of waiting for crises, we’re saying, if I step outside my comfort zone and just try to do something more than I’ve been comfortable doing, something’s going to come up. But I’m going to be consciously eliciting it enough.
Debra Maldonado 30:19
Instead of me waiting to get laid off to finally say “I got to do this”, I could have consciously created that. Our soul is always looking to grow and to have more expression of itself in our life. It’s always going to try, that dissatisfaction that we feel at life is really our soul going “It’s too tight in here, I want to stretch, I want to grow.” The people around us are really showing us that path to growth. When we think about “How do we work with it, we have a conflict — what do we do?”, I always think that when someone’s triggering us we’re not seeing the situation clearly, when we have an emotional reaction to something and are triggered. We’re really just back in a pattern because when we’re triggered — I haven’t talked about an intense trigger, I’m not like “That person is annoying”, that intense trigger. It means that you’re not seeing things the way they are. The first step is when you’re really triggered about something, just acknowledge that. I’m not seeing this completely clearly right now, I’m responding from from the past, and I’m not really seeing things clearly. But you invited in. A question a lot of people ask is “Why am I in a trigger? I’m in a situation and that person is right there, how do I be Zen about it?” Sometimes you can, sometimes you can’t, you have to wait till later on. Remove yourself in the situation to really process what happened.
Robert Maldonado 31:59
A big part of it is understanding what is it that I’m experiencing when I’m triggered or facing these difficult situations at work? What you’re experiencing is the conditioned mind. The way to work with it is to see the nature of that mind. We’re asking “Am I that mind or am I observing the mind?”
Debra Maldonado 32:29
That’s a good way to put it. I’m aware that I’m having this trigger right now, I know I’m not seeing things clearly. Like Jung would say, something has come alive in me that needs my attention. Have that curiosity about it versus “This is not good, and I have to get away from that person and strategize about how to get even with that person.” That’s why we get caught up in it and are like “How do I get even? How do I get back?” You see people argue on Facebook all the time, they’re so caught up in each other’s shadow that you just have to relax and take a step back.
Robert Maldonado 33:11
The reason we want to work with triggers is because when we’re caught in there, they hook us into the pattern. We don’t have a choice.
Debra Maldonado 33:23
It pulls us down, dragging us into old pattern.
Robert Maldonado 33:29
We’re caught up in the drama, in really recreating our past experiences. Those patterns, that internalized family system that we’re bringing into work now is playing out, it’s got us hooked in. The way we start to free ourselves without trying to fix or judge or think that we’re doing something wrong, or they’re doing something, simply buying into the projection, is we start to realize — thoughts are not who we are. We are the witness of the thoughts. We are the witness of the emotions.
Debra Maldonado 34:13
And we’re not the emotions either. We’re not an angry person, we’re not a fearful person. It’s the body having experience of that. But that’s not who I am.
Robert Maldonado 34:24
That begins that process of freeing ourselves from that conditioning without having to fix it, or push it away, or change the boundaries of it. Of course, we’re going to do all those things. We’re going to deal with the actual situations of the relationship with a boss or with colleagues. But the internal work is what really makes the shift and liberates our mind from that condition pattern.
Debra Maldonado 35:02
What about jealousy in work? I know a lot of people, whether you’re an entrepreneur and in those groups, some people are the shining stars and the other people are jealous of that shining star. In the work the same thing, we get jealous of our colleagues who get the promotion and we don’t. It’s that sibling rivalry, almost that kind of jealousy that happens in junior high or in grade school — it’s not fair. When we were kids, in my household, when we got soda was a special deal, we normally didn’t have soda in our house. My mother would pour it and we’d all called our glasses to make sure we all got the same amount, everything had to be the same. That equity of siblings. I think that we feel that when we feel that inequity, that triggers that beginning conditioning of it’s not fair. That fairness, I think, how old do you think kids learn fairness? Really young?
Robert Maldonado 36:06
All those patterns, again, are simply projections. In work relationships, and all kinds of relationships actually, you have what’s called transference and countertransference. It sounds very clinical but it’s an actual natural process in all relationships, we are reacting to the other person from our old condition patterns instead of really seeing who is this person and what is my relationship, where we’re seeing our projections. That is transference. And countertransference is simply whoever is in the authority role. If you’re the coach, you’re in the authority position, the countertransference would be, what is this client pulling from me? What am I projecting onto them?
Debra Maldonado 37:03
Or the boss saying “What are my team members pulling from me?” It’s like an entanglement. We’re responding from our past to their past, you’re not really seeing each other in the present.
Robert Maldonado 37:19
It is the process of first understanding what is the nature of the mind. How are we experiencing these things we call our life, and work, and relationships, and then being able to work with those things. In other words, it’s not about pushing them away, or solving them, fixing them, but through understanding the nature of them that we’re able to respond in a creative way.
Debra Maldonado 37:48
One of the questions I always say is “Why am I giving this person so much of my power? Why am I giving my boss so much of my power, this client so much of my power? Why am I giving my colleague or my friend who’s doing what I’m doing and seeing her as competition? Why am I giving that person so much power?” It’s because we aren’t aware of our own. It’s about reclaiming it and just asking yourself that question. They talk about forgiveness, that idea that you should forgive the other person because the more you hate them, the more they have power over you, which is in essence true, you’re drinking your own poison by thinking that person did me wrong. The more we can look at our parents that they didn’t do anything wrong, not that they could have done better, but they tried their best, the people around us, even our bosses. When I first started doing self development, I had a lot of resentment for my past bosses and how mean they are. And now it’s gone. It’s like they were there because they were showing me my mind. They weren’t doing anything to me as much as I was playing the role that fit that pattern. You’ll always surround yourself with people that reflect how conscious you are. The more conscious you become, the more beautiful relationships you have, it’s really just a reflection of your relationship with yourself. Do you identify as this little ego that’s trying to survive or do you identify with the beautiful, unlimited soul that you are? When you come to any relationship that way, it’s beautiful because you empower the other person, you don’t see them as a threat, you don’t give them your power, then they can be who they need to be. You can keep boundaries with them, but you’re not triggered and afraid to say anything, you get to just fully express who you are. It’s not least resistance but it’s you rising above the conflict and seeing it from both sides, like a mediator basically.
Robert Maldonado 40:00
Definitely powerful ways to do our personal development. When we approach work this way, because work is, for most of us, something we do every day, or most of the week. It gives us that opportunity to practice continuously, to always be in it. Just like romantic relationships, it forces us to confront the internal challenges for us.
Debra Maldonado 40:30
I love what you said in the beginning that we also have to look at the relationship with ourselves. If you’re in your own business or career, through all these people that are coming in, you’re working on your relationship with yourself. Are you forgiving to yourself? Are you loving to yourself? Are you tolerant with yourself? Do you respect yourself? All those things will show up in the world and challenge you, especially the things that you’re not aware of that you’re pushing away. The key is to look at your patterns in your early life, family, what role did you play? Were you the victim? Were you the star child? What role did you play? Which parent did you put up on a pedestal and which one did you resent? Look at your life and the bosses you’ve had, look at the relationships you’ve had at work, and you’re gonna see that pattern, I could see my mother in that woman, or my dad in that man. And not necessarily also by sex, because a lot of my bosses were women, but I still projected my father because they were the authority. Who is the authority in your household, they’ll play out the authority in your business. Then work with the conflicts. I think we all forget, when we do personal development work, we’re always trying to just get out of the uncomfortableness and the things that are happening to us. But don’t forget to create a vision of what you want to create versus I’m just batting away things coming at me. Let’s consciously set an intention for what do I want to create in my business? What do I want to create in my career? What kind of team do I want to have? What kind of boss do I want to work for? What kind of clients do I want to have? When you have to create that in your mind and then work with the things that show up that aren’t in alignment with that, that’s all the stuff that you need to work on in here. Instead of “I gotta avoid these kinds of people or that type of person”, “I need to really clear it up within myself.” Then the outside just takes care of itself. It’s just miraculous how things happen. Even dynamics with people, the same person will change.
Robert Maldonado 42:51
If we go back to the idea of disempowerment, meaning that we’re projecting and believing in the projection, in empowerment we’re taking back the prediction, we’re owning it, we’re saying “I take responsibility of the way our life plays out, and not projecting that blame onto others.” In other words, Jung says this is difficult for us because it requires great moral courage on our part to accept full responsibility for our life. In other words, there’s no one to blame, you don’t want to blame your parents, you don’t want to blame your bosses, you don’t want to blame the economy, you want to say “I take full responsibility for what I experienced in work, in fulfilling my purpose, in my relationship with my colleagues, clients.”
Debra Maldonado 43:53
So are you attached to having adoring people?
Robert Maldonado 43:57
Of course, but I recognize it. As long as you’re aware of what you’re experiencing, you’re free from it. You’re able to include it in the way you’re making your decisions about your work.
Debra Maldonado 44:14
It’s about not making anything wrong, but making the unconscious conscious. Then you can make a choice as to how you want to respond to something versus just responding to the pattern unconsciously. What a great little class today. Next week I know what we’re going to talk about because I did my research. We’re going to talk answer the question, hopefully, do soulmates exist and talk about romantic relationships. We’re going to end it with a bang. See us next Friday for our final installment of this relationship series. Don’t forget to subscribe to us on YouTube. We take snippets and bonus teachings we post here all the time. Go to iTunes and subscribe to us, Soul Sessions with Creative Mind. Also join our Facebook group, Jungian Life Coaching with Creative Mind University where we are with our coaches and interacting. So if you want to interact with us in between shows, join us in that Facebook group. We’d love to say hello and get to know you. And we’ll see you soon.
Robert Maldonado 45:31
Thanks for watching.
Debra Maldonado 45:32
Robert Maldonado 45:33
Debra Maldonado 45:35